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Why would you even want to live such a long life? If you believe in an eternal life after death in heaven or hell, wouldn’t you hope to die soon, as long as you don’t live a sinful life (which includes not dying on purpose)? So that you can stop working in this hard life and finally enjoy paradise?
Oh, ok, I get what you are saying.
Well, unfortunately those are problems of a caliber that I wouldn’t be able to solve for you. Nor do I think that anybody else here can.
A (somewhat vague) answer for your first point might be that you need to change your perspective. But that is easier said than done and I don’t want to pretend that I know how shitty your live might actually is.
For your second point, it is at least very good that you were able to recognize bad content on your own. Many people fail that.
You could try to find drastically different videos from different groups of people. Again, I know this is easier said than done.
I think most people on Lemmy are strictly against religion, so I don’t think you will find much help in that regard here.
Maybe as a starting point, you could try to find resources from a totally different group of people. Depending on your exact questions you might want to watch videos about what people of other religions might have to say about that.
Like, if you want to know more about something from the old testament you could try to watch videos from jews, or if you have questions about Jesus you could look up what the muslims have to say about that.
I wish you all the best! Try to endure until you know, what it is you can strive for.