One answer only this this thread!
chef’s kiss
OP memes, but this unironically would slap.
And he’d do it. And be fucking amazing, too.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: A Terry Crews Rendition
Scene 1: Snow White’s Introduction
Snow White (Terry Crews) is introduced as a charismatic and strong character, loved by all animals in the forest. He’s strong but gentle, charming, and not afraid to show his emotional side. He sings to the animals with a deep, booming voice, a hilarious contrast to the original character’s high-pitched singing.
Snow White: (singing in deep voice) “I’m wishing, (I’m wishing) for the one I love, to find me, (to find me) today…”
Scene 2: Meeting the Huntsman
The Queen orders the Huntsman to bring back Snow White’s heart. However, the Huntsman cannot bring himself to harm Snow White, who’s flexing his muscles and humming a cheerful tune.
Huntsman: “I… I can’t do it. Forgive me, Snow White.”
Snow White: (flexing) “No worries, man. Everyone has a hard time dealing with these guns.”
Scene 3: Discovering the Cottage
Upon discovering the dwarfs’ cottage, Snow White starts cleaning. However, instead of the delicate tidying of the original, Terry Crews’ Snow White lifts heavy furniture single-handedly and dusts with a peacock feather duster, all while maintaining a contagious cheerfulness.
Snow White: “Well, this place needs a little muscle love. Let’s get to it!”
Scene 4: Meeting the Dwarfs
Snow White wins over the dwarfs with his charm and kindness. His interactions with the dwarfs are playful and endearing, unlike the traditional motherly role of the original Snow White.
Snow White: “You guys could use some protein in your diet. What do you say, tomorrow we start the day with a proper workout and a protein shake?”
Scene 5: The Poison Apple
When the Queen, disguised as an old woman, offers Snow White the poisoned apple, Snow White is hesitant but doesn’t want to be rude. He takes a bite and collapses in a dramatic, comedic fashion.
Snow White: “An apple a day keeps the doctor away, right? But just to be sure… (flexes arm)…proteins are better.”
Scene 6: The Prince’s Kiss
When the Prince arrives to awaken Snow White, he’s taken aback by Snow White’s size. However, he’s determined to break the spell. The moment is played for laughs, with the Prince struggling to lean over Snow White.
Prince: “I… I’ve come to break the spell…”
Snow White (waking up): “Did I hit the snooze button again?”
I fucking love you, and you are the reason why I love the internet and trust humanity somewhat. This is absolute internet GOLD!
Zach Galifianakis as Prince Charming and I’m in
Here’s some others I’d be totally stoked about:
- Eric Andre (he really needs a breakout role)
- Leslie Jones
- Eddie Murphy
- RuPaul
- Charming Taintman
Edit: Fucking Terry Crews for both roles!
Man. I don’t watch much movies but I’d watch this 10 times in row. If it’s a comedy or better…a serious comedy. The acting is serious but everything else isn’t.
If we can change the complexion of the character, we can change the gender, too! Go Terry!
I wonder how the evil queen would dupe Terry Fucking Crews into eating a poisoned apple. I can only imagine her failing a number of times thanks to his dancing pecs
Terry loves apples!
Now I’m suddenly imagining it as a LazyTown crossover.
For the one that looks most right, Gal Gadot is probably the best from this list. For the movie I’m most likely to watch? The Terry Crews version would be worth it even if it sucks
I’m only watching if he wins.
I agree 100%.
Hats off to you, Potato_in_my_anus, for my biggest username laugh on Lemmy so far.
6% of people take the internet way to seriously
Let’s use the engineering marvel of the internet to connect across the globe and… give ourselves collective strokes over the most meaningless, corporate culture in human history?
What?
This makes sense to me if Michael Cera can play Shaft
Someone’s a Donald Glover fan.
We’re officially known as dong lovers
That would be the dopest snow white ever
So woke, me likes!!!