I’ve realized that I’m very mentally weak and it’s impacting my success.
I suspect I have ADHD and whenever I get an urge to distract myself, I rarely manage to resist it.
I think what I am missing is the residtance to discomfort that eg. allows sports people to carry on going even when their muscles are telling them to stop. Or the thing that allows people to defy themselves and step into an ice-cold shower.
Unfortunately I am not a person who enjoys sports and a cold shower is only something that makes sense once a day. Can you think of any exercises that I can do here and now in my room, and practice routinely that will strengthen my willpower so that I can better resist my urges in the future?
ADHD Brains are different - so some advice that works for non-ADHD brains may or may not work.
In general, being present and meditation (in whatever way that works for you, but, generally the practice of observing your thoughts as they go by but not reacting to them) are helpful for ‘strengthening’ your thought patterns. Becoming aware of things and building up that muscle is how you can have more of that willpower.
Habits can be very difficult to build, don’t get discouraged. Find things that work for you and ways to incentivize or motivate yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD/ Here’s a great youtube channel
Oh yes I’ve come across her channel before. This is unrelated but have you found any good ways to deal with the ‘wall of awful’ that she describes in one of her videos?
The Science of Self Control is an excellent book about willpower and, well, self control. It goes into the science of it and how to use that to your advantage.
One thing I do is to reduce friction. You are more likely to do something if you make whatever it is easier to do. Conversely, if you want to stop doing something, increase friction (make it harder to do). Two examples:
You want to go to the gym in the mornings? Go to bed a bit earlier, get everything ready the night before, and maybe even sleep in your gym clothes.
Your want to stop eating cookies? Put them somewhere you’re less likely to walk past them or see them.
In your case, maybe try removing things that are distractions, e.g. put your phone on the other side of the room.
Sleeping in my gym clothes sounds like a radicaly effective move. Especially as it physocally connects evening me to tomorrow me, which I otherwise struggle to mentaly do…
Get tested for ADHD. If you have it, start working with a therapist who specializes in ADHD and can prescribe medication if necessary.
Or the cheaper option drink a coffee. Did it make it easier to focus? Yes? Then ADHD, so drink lots of coffee. Lol, but seriously just get tested.
Is the coffee thing real? I’ve been thinking about getting tested, but if the coffee thing is real I really should. I thought it helped everyone focus, though I recognize I drink a lot more than average
Have you ever had this happen to you?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fYg5hSgtug
I thought I was neurotypical but when I found out this wasn’t normal I realized I must have ADHD.
Oh fuck me. I looked up how expensive it was to get tested earlier and was like na, not worth it, but that video fucked me up. I always thought I was just better at cleaning when I had a clean kitchen and did things in the right order… Which often involves a quick trip to the store…
Yes, for most people it makes them jittery. Similar to how Adderall makes nurotypical people manic/high. High caffeine intake is self medicating.
ADHD and ADD brains are functioning slower in parts, but this results in the typical symptoms of these disorders. So drugs that are “stimulants” bring the slow parts of the brain up to speed. In a typical brain these drugs over stimulate it.
When I was in grade 2 I had an old substitute teacher tell us a story about how he trained his willpower by setting an alarm every night at 3 am and when it went off he’d do 10 jumping jacks.
I tried it that night, got out of bed and did 2 jumping jacks before realizing this was the dumbest thing ever. If I had the willpower to get out of bed in the middle of the night to exercise I already had the willpower in the first place.
But weirdly enough ever since that night I’ve been able to get out of bed on the first alarm
There is some good advice in this thread, but if you do have ADHD, then the advice is only as good as your ability to carry it out, and saying “just do the thing” will only end up demoralising you.
From my perspective (42, diagnosed with ADHD four years ago), it’s been damn near impossible for me to noticeably improve myself. It’s only when I reflect on my progress that I begin to notice positive changes.
Ultimately, it’s about training your perspective on a task. Are you failing to do things, or are you choosing to prioritise other tasks instead. Do those other tasks have positive outcomes (however tenuous they may be)? If this is the case, then you could work on choosing to prioritise the tasks that are expected of you.
In terms of my working day, my job is an issue for me, as it doesn’t really have a set form, and is almost entirely self-led. If I don’t do what’s expected of me, no one really notices, and that’s actually a problem for me, because left to my own devices I’ll gladly spend all day fucking about online, then feel like shit because I’ve not been productive*. So I’ve learned to tackle this by physically writing myself a To Do list first thing in the morning, that I then input into a daily timetable spreadsheet. Then I use an app called Cold Turkey to block access to websites of my choosing for a period of time. Only then am I able to focus on the tasks at hand.
In time, your brain will (hopefully) begin to mould itself around a different way of being, and while it will not likely become second nature to you, it will become easier to recognise when your distraction has taken control.
*of course, almost all of the problems we face are as a result of being forced to exist in a capitalist society, where we’re all trained to assign our personal worth to the worth of the work we produce. If we neurodivergents were able to live outside that paradigm, we’d be fine.
Yeah, this is what I’ve found too unfortunately. Brute forcing yourself to do stuff only progresses you at a snails pace.
I’m waiting to get diagnosed but its still a few months off so I’m trying this for now…I don’t think an app like cold turkey would work for me (don’t trust that I won’t disable it), but what I have managed to do in the past is dedicate a certain device to work tasks only, and also ban myself from using the internet in one certain room (I essentially tricked my brain to pretend that there was no WiFi there). I coukd focus way better in that room knowing that if I needed to use the internet, I’d first have to go all the way down the coridor.
Just a headsup - don’t focus too much on meds, it won’t really help that much if you’re also lacking willpower.
I have the same problem as you, but have started meds about half a year ago. It helps a little bit, but also made me realize that whenever I’m stressed or have to do something I’m uncertain of, the problems are back.
I thought it’s anxiety that’s stopping me, because right now I have to finish my thesis to hand in in a week, and I’ve been sitting home and staring at the screen unable to work, progressing at a snails pace for two weeks already, to the point I will not be able to make it.
Due to that, I’ve gotten a short term medication for anxiety, because I thought that’s what’s stopping me and I can’t get over it.
It didn’t help, and while I wasn’t feeling that awful, I still didn’t manage to force myself to work more, and even though I would’ve comfortably made it, I progressed so slow that now I probably won’t. But it made me realize that the problem wasn’t anxiety, but willpower, and that the focus on it was just an excuse to justify postponing work.
I’m not saying that meds will not help you, but make sure you don’t fall to the same trap as I did - I used waiting them as an excuse for too long, that I’ve learned to just be OK with procrastinating. And when I finally got them, it didn’t help much , because I never tried building the willpower and have gotten too used to the excuses that even when the “need to wait for meds, nothing I can do” excuse wasn’t true, I was still turning to procrastination by habit. Or you’ll just think “meds aren’t helping, I need stronger”.
If you start forcing yourself, even if at slow pace, to not be OK with procrastination, then the meds will be a miracle that will suddenly make it so you don’t have to struggle so much anymore. If you on the other hand learn to give up trying and accept the excuse that you need the meds and there’s no point, and that it will be easier once you have them - my experience is that it won’t, because then getting rid of the internalization of excuses only made it as hardy, or even harder, than it was without them.
Meditation. It’s scientifically proven to help with ADHD.
Dr K at Healthy Gamer has a tonne of really great advice for dealing with this and especially for ADHD sufferers. He talks about urge-surfing and how to develop and strengthen the parts of your brain that end up giving you back control in terms of decision making, willpower and responding to habits. Here’s a short on urge-surfing but have a dig thru the rest of the channel https://youtube.com/shorts/SUgJdsTCs0E?feature=share
Not exactly what you’re asking but possibly helpful-
I’ve found that ‘pairing’ the item of resistance to another established habit has been helpful. A decent example is putting my gym stuff on the bathroom counter. I have the habit of brushing my teeth in the morning and now I have my exercise clothes where I’m guaranteed to see them. It’s harder to make excuses and at this point you just gotta commit.
This might be more what you’re asking about-
I got the pairing idea from a great series on procrastination, Solving the Procrastination Puzzle by Tim Pychyl. The speaker takes the approach that resistance is not a matter of will power but a matter of emotional regulation. I recommend checking it out!
I listened to it on Waking Up but you might be able to find it elsewhere. Here’s a link to where I listened, free 30 days no credit card needed. (There is no incentive for me, just sharing what helped me) https://dynamic.wakingup.com/pack/PK0AA14?source=content share&share_id=0FEBBC65&code=SC112CD68
I have found it useful, even healthy in stressfulness work situations, to allow myself the distraction - but only for a little while. This works fairly well for me.
Do one other thing. Play only one round of Minesweeper (yes, that’s me). Read only one thing on Lemmy. Pick one of those. Then get back to work. For a while, anyway.
I always get myself to do things I don’t want to by thinking “Future-me is going to be much happier when he finds that present-me did this already.”
Helps me find the motivation to exercise, make myself a good cup of coffee instead of a kcup, do the dishes after dinner, lots of things. And past me is such a bro, saved me from present-me having to do those things.
I’ve tried this before but it hasn’t worked for me so far unfortunately :-/ I thunk it’s because my brain sees tomorrow-me to be a different and detached person…
Hold in your poop for 3 days.
Well, the research says that therapy is great, but only after you’re on meds. You don’t lack willpower, it’s a physiological problem that needs to be addressed by medical care.
Siiiigh. I don’t wanna. It’s true though.
Cold showers.
Especially after warm shower for the first half.
You should aim to barely be reacting. Focus on your breathing to distract your whole nervous system from the feeling of discomfort the cold water brings.
You’re training your body to not react to adverse events. To roadblocks, to shitty situations, to things that might otherwise derail you.
Cold showers are key.
Or, ya know… Batting cages.
Or, ya know… Batting cages.
Bruh this is precisely the sort of training I need
Delayed gratification.
A good morning routine is perfect for building momentum. I wake up at 6 AM and walk to my bathroom where I keep a bottle of water, as I am always thirsty in the morning. I brush my teeth, meditate, and engage in some light cardio, (literally something like 50 jumping jacks. It’s nothing too serious) Afterward, I take a warm shower, gradually lowering the temperature until it’s cold. Finally, I eat breakfast.
That’s a morning routine that works for me and is (mostly) copied from a Youtube video I watched on how to stay motivated. This is what works for me so I think it may be a good watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOEfDcGbbXo&t=362
